Anniversaries and difficult days
After pregnancy loss, some days will feel harder than others. The days that hold a special significance for you, your family, or your baby. The anniversary of your loss, their due date. We can't tell you how to make them hurt less. But there are things you can do that may help you get through them.
Preparing for hard days
Tell someone it's coming. A partner, a friend, anyone who can check in. If you don’t want to go into details, sending a message that says "this week might be hard" is enough.
Decide loosely how you'd like the day to look. Busy or quiet, with people or alone. It doesn't have to be fixed. Just having thought about it helps.
Give yourself permission to opt out of events or social occasions. You don't owe anyone an explanation, “I’m sorry but I can’t be there” is enough.
Plan something that feels kind for yourself. A favourite meal, a walk, a film. Not to cover the grief, but to give the day some shape.
Consider stepping back from social media, or muting accounts that might be hard to see. They won't be notified.
Marking the day
There is no right way to mark a miscarriage anniversary, a due date, or any significant date after pregnancy loss. What helps one person is wrong for another, and what worked last year might not work this year.
Some people may find it helps to mark the day by:
Lighting a candle
Visiting somewhere that feels meaningful
Writing something, a letter, a card, a few words. To your baby or just to yourself
Planting flowers or a tree for a lasting memory.
Making a small donation in your baby's memory
Spending time with someone who knew about your loss and doesn't need it explained
You shouldn't feel any pressure to mark the day if it doesn't feel right. A quiet day at home, time with friends, staying busy. These are all valid ways of getting through it.
If it feels too much
If everything feels like it’s too much to cope with, please do seek support. Your GP can refer you to NHS perinatal mental health services, talking therapies, or specialist support.
If you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm, recurrent intrusive thoughts, severe nightmares or feeling like you don't want to be here, please reach out for immediate support. You deserve help, and it's available right now.
A mental health emergency should be taken as seriously as a physical one. You will not be wasting anyone’s time.
NHS Crisis Line: Call 111 and select the mental health option
Samaritans: Call 116 123 (free, any time, day or night) or email: jo@samaritans.org for a reply within 24 hours
Shout Crisis Text Line: Text “SHOUT” to 85258 (free, confidential, 24/7)
Call 999 or go to A&E now if you do not feel you can keep yourself or someone else safe.
